Strongholds
of
pride and shame can keep us
wandering aimlessly through a desert of unrest leading to confusion,
anxiety, depression and despair. This article is a series of proverbial
insights into these strongholds.
Pride is an alternative "god" designer. It is the
most common attribute
of
character relied upon by man for the fashioning of other gods.
Pride is not patient,
it is not kind. It does envy, it does boast; for
it is - pride. It is rude, it is self-seeking, it is easily angered,
and it keeps records of all wrongs. Pride rejoices in evil and avoids
the truth. It protects for selfish reasons, it cannot afford to trust,
it is its own hope, and it perseveres only for personal gain. (Compare
to love in 1 Cor. 13:4-7)
Man’s first sin was
pridefully self-centered. Man’s first reaction to
his sin was shame. Shame is also self-centered. Just like pride, its
central focus is self.
Pride led religious
leaders to want to kill Jesus (Mark 11:18). In
order to flourish, pride must conquer what it perceives as competition.
And yet, it was also
pride that caused men to want to raise Him up as
King of Israel (John 6:15)! But Jesus resisted them. Jesus knew the
method by which He must be lifted up in the eyes of men (Jesus predicts
His death in John 3:14-15). Scripture tells us that Jesus “would not
entrust himself to them, for he knew all men” (John 2:24).
Pride caused the
Israelites to reject God’s institution of judges in
favor of a king to represent them as a nation. God told Samuel, “ ...it
is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.
As they have done from the day I brought them out of Egypt until this
day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you” (1
Samuel 8:7-8).
Pride promotes self.
Shame demotes self. But, both are increases to
self-centeredness. To demote self is not to decrease self. It is simply
a different, though negative, view of self.
Pride encourages a
persistent focus on self-gratification. Then, as
self becomes gratified, pride is ratified. Thus, pride becomes the
cause and the protector of selfishness.
Pride encourages self
to believe that personal performance can overcome
unpleasant negative feelings of shame.
Shame insinuates to
self, “Sure, Jesus died on the cross for you, but
don’t you still feel shame?” Then pride exhorts self, “Therefore, you
must rely on what you have done, or what you are now doing, or what you
are able to do to feel acceptable to yourself.”
Where there is much
pridefulness, there is powerful judgment:
“On the appointed day
Herod, wearing his royal robes, sat on his throne
and delivered a public address to the people. They shouted, ‘This is
the voice of a god, not of a man.’ Immediately, because Herod did not
give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was
eaten by worms and died.” (Acts 12:21-23)
But, where there is
little pridefulness, there is powerful grace:
All the believers were
one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any
of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection
of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. (Acts 4:32-33)
Shame often
legitimizes its self-centered focus by promoting self’s
victim status.
Unrepentant pride and
shame are circular allies. When shame is tired of
its suffering, it often turns to pride for relief. When pride’s
shallowness is exposed, it often turns to shame for absolution. Thus,
they perpetuate one another allowing self to avoid true repentance.
Shame is a great
impetus for both action and inaction. Shame can
bully a person to works requiring tremendous effort or intimidate a
soul to virtual impotence.
Shame resides in the
relative safety of loneliness. By avoiding honest
intimate relationship, shame shields self from the possibility of
further rejection. But, by avoiding intimate relationship, it also
shields self from love.
Shame and pride
are like a dog and a cat. They both determinedly
desire to be stroked.
Pride and shame are
fraternal twins. Though they do not look alike,
they were born one right after the other. Pride was the firstborn, then
came its inevitable brother, shame.
Shame is sometimes the
primary method of establishing and managing
religion. When this happens, pride is the governing body of that
religion.
In the end, shame will
be the great equalizer for those that are
unrepentantly prideful.
Self is the captain of
the ship christened Pride and Shame. “Sink or
swim” is its motto. Through stormy seas, it endlessly sails. It has no
homeport, where it may rest from the winds of selfish determination.
Shame is a thief,
stealing the treasure of life from self. Pride
selfishly buries the treasure where only he can find it.
The rich may have
pride and the poor may have shame, but each is merely
vanity. They are both mirrors used to unrelentingly gaze upon self.
An attitude of worldly
shame denies the efficacy of the sacrifice of
Christ on the cross and is in direct conflict with the proclamation of
scripture:
“Therefore,
there is now no condemnation for those who are in
Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of
life set me free from the law of sin and death” (Romans 8:1,2).
Pride looks for who’s
watching. Shame watches for who’s looking. Both
are in bondage to the opinions of others.
Pride and shame are
like merry-go-round horses; one goes up and the
other goes down, but they both keep going round and round.
Shame may be deep and
pride may be shallow, but both are only holes in
the souls of men.
Pride and shame are
the bodyguards of unrepentant self. They will do
whatever is necessary to protect self from healthy change.
Shame is like a tree
with many roots underground, but very little trunk
and
few branches above the surface. Pride is like a great tree with long
branches reaching upward from a portly trunk, but very little root
structure. The wind comes and blows mightily against the shame tree.
Some dead branches are blown off, but the roots remain firmly
entrenched. Then the strong wind comes and blows against the pride
tree. The whole tree comes crashing down, with its shallow roots
exposed for all the world to see.
Which tree is more
resistant to the Spirit of God? The one that
displays itself boldly to the world or the one that hides itself safely
beneath the surface?
Shame for our sins was
a choice Jesus once made. Jesus chose to bear
our shame by dying on the cross. It is no longer on the menu. It is no
longer available to us. Jesus ordered the entire supply for His own
use. He’s keeping it all for Himself. He’s not sharing. You can’t have
any. If you have some, you’ve stolen it from Jesus. Give it back. It’s
not yours.
Pride is a whip in the
hands of the arrogant. Shame is a shovel in the
hands of a fool. The shameful fool digs an emotional hole, too deep to
climb out, then jumps in. The arrogant, prideful one lashes the fool
for jumping into the hole. The shameful fool accepts the lashing as
appropriate and deserved. The arrogant, prideful one leans back and
smiles in satisfaction.
It is easy to see that
having much pride is shameful. But what is often
hidden from our sight, is that having much shame can be prideful. The
person with much shame often believes that harboring a sufficiently
large quantity of shame is a necessary self-punishment before God (and
others) and a means by which he might earn some degree of personal
acceptance. In this way, his shame has become a self-determining,
self-dependent, work of atonement, denying the sufficiency of Christ’s
sacrifice on the cross for his sins. This is pride.
Shame denies light to
the dark places within the soul. The soul cannot
grow without the light. Shame denies air to the empty places within the
soul. The soul can not breathe without the air. Shame denies water to
the dry places within the soul. The soul can not live without the
water. Shame denies while the soul dies.
Pride is a source of
false hope. But Shame is a source of false
hopelessness.
Shame is like a flower
that grows up out of the ground and then refuses
to bloom in the sunlight. But place it in the shade and it will open.
When we are proud of
our children, is it because they did something
better than someone else’s children? When we are proud of our jobs, is
it because we do our jobs better than someone else? When we are proud
of our community, is it because we believe our community is better than
someone else’s community? If we need to feel better by comparing
ourselves to others, is it because we are better than them?
Worldly shame is an
active rejection of God’s forgiveness based on
feelings of personal unworthiness. If you have rejected God’s
forgiveness, whose worthiness have you really rejected, yours or
Christ’s?
It is not easy to stop
being prideful and it is not easy to stop being
ashamed. The way to stop being prideful is not by being ashamed, and
the way to stop being ashamed is not by being prideful. Both are
overcome by humility. And humility is perfected by the power of the
Holy Spirit.
It is sin to
believe
pride and shame’s definitions of self. It is
humility to believe God’s definition of self. If you truly wish to stop
believing the lies; repent and God will set you free, unto humility.
You must choose to go there, but only God can bring you.
Copyright
©
2000 by R. Thomas Brass
All
rights reserved
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